Sex Videos and Tutorial

IF you want to share oral sex with your partner but wonder how to go about it, you first need to be sure this is something you feel comfortable with and really want to do for your own pleasure as well as your partner’s.

Don’t feel pressured into trying it just because your partner likes the idea or says everyone does it.

Many couples find it one of the most pleasurable ways of giving and receiving sexual stimulation, but the relationship between you has to be very close and loving for this very intimate form of contact to feel right.

If you’re at all unsure, then it will help you to read my free leaflet Anxious About Oral Sex?

If you’re the one who’s keen to try oral sex but your partner isn’t, then read my free leaflet Tensions Over Oral Sex? before putting on any more pressure.

Assuming you are both equally keen to enjoy oral sex and just lack the know-how, here’s a practical guide, starting with giving a woman oral sex.

Many women enjoy this more than intercourse and a man who gives good oral sex can be a wonderful lover.

Even so, as I mentioned before, you do need to feel comfortable together, and this is usually going to be within a secure, loving relationship, where you both trust each other.

Before getting started it’s a good idea to wash all over, including all the nooks and crannies, with mild soap and rinse off with plenty of water.

Women are often slower to become aroused than men, so she will most likely need lots of loving foreplay for her to start getting aroused – so don’t rush. It’s not a race.

A sensuous massage can be a good way of getting her in the mood for exciting foreplay.

For the first time, it is a good idea if you can have at least a low light on, so that you can see the layout and have a better idea of what you are doing.

Most women find their clitoris very sensitive and you need to know where this is.

It is the small pea-sized bit tucked in front of the vagina.

You will need to use lots of saliva to keep the area moist but you can start with licking the entire area.

Use your hand to caress her thighs, her breasts or her stomach to add to the pleasure for her.

Gentle sucking will feel great. A word of warning, though, never blow into her vagina, as this can be harmful.

Ask her whether she likes it slow or fast, gentle or firm, but keep up a steady rhythm, as women need continual stimulation to reach climax.

You can flatten your tongue to stimulate larger areas, or use the tip to concentrate on more specific areas.

You will be able to tell when she is near orgasm by her groans of pleasure, or by her rhythmic movements.

At this point it is important not to move away from the clitoris.

Increase the pressure slightly or go a little quicker.

As she is actually orgasming, go back to slow gentle strokes, but continue to cover the whole clitoral area by using your whole tongue.

Most women find that their clitoris is unbearably sensitive after orgasm, so she may push your head away and put her hand down to cover the area.

Don’t worry. This doesn’t mean she has not enjoyed it, exactly the opposite, in fact.

Now a guide for a woman wanting to give a man oral sex.

It is usually best to start with the man on his back and you leaning over him. This will give you most control and help you build up your confidence.

Remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

Start off with something simple, to get you in the mood.

Hold his penis at the base with one hand, and lick up each side several times as if it were an ice-cream cone.

Then you could form your mouth into an 0 and gently slide your lips up and down.

Don’t rush, going slowly gives him a lot of pleasure. Try sucking and licking with different pressures and at different speeds.

A variation is to swirl your tongue round the top as your head comes up. He will love this.

Changing movements can stop you getting tired too quickly.

The butterfly flick is different and gives your lips a rest.

This involves flicking your tongue gently along the ridge on the underside, and ending with several rapid flicks at the point where the head joins the main shaft.

This will be absolute heaven for him.

You don’t have to give oral sex non-stop.

Pausing from time to time to caress and fondle him all over can tease him to further pleasure.

There is no rule about whether your man should climax in your mouth or not, and if you are not happy with it, then fine.

Make it clear from the start, so that there is no misunderstanding.

Never blow into his penis by the way, as this can be dangerous.

Oral sex is not completely safe sex, I’m afraid.

It would be a very unlikely – though not impossible - way to pass on HIV, but you should avoid oral sex if there is the possibility of one of you having any sort of sexually transmitted infection, being HIV positive, and if you have any cuts or scratches around the mouth or genital area.

If one of you has cold sores, you could give the other genital herpes, and the other way about – oral sex is now a very common method of transmission of herpes - and it is certainly possible to develop gonorrhoea in the throat.

There has even been some research suggesting that giving unprotected oral sex to a partner with HPV (genital warts, which can be almost invisible to the naked eye) can lead to mouth cancer.

You can use a dental dam, a thin square of latex, to protect against infection but, if there’s any chance one of you may be suffering from an infection of any kind, you shouldn’t have sexual contact without getting expert treatment and advice.

The best place is probably your local genito-urinary or special clinic, which will be attached to a local hospital.

And just to be clear, if a man gives or receives oral sex from a girl under 16, he could be charged with an offence.

Similarly an older woman with a younger lad might be liable to prosecution.

If I can be of further help, or you’d like one of the other free leaflets I mentioned, just let me know.

We hear a lot these days about how people can and should make love, but there are virtually no rules for good sex. It isn’t compulsory to have an orgasm. As long as a woman is left feeling satisfied, neither she nor her partner should feel that they have in any way failed because she hasn’t had an orgasm. Sex is for your pleasure, not to pass some test or keep up with the Jones’s.

Many women, however, while they enjoy intercourse with their partner, never or rarely reach orgasm, and are left feeling dissatisfied as a result.

Women’s problems over orgasm vary. Some women have never experienced an orgasm at all. This is often because they were brought up to think of sex as something not quite nice.

Parents worried about daughters getting pregnant may keep impressing on them that they mustn’t get carried away. It is small wonder that, when they have a partner, they can’t suddenly undo all those lessons to their subconscious.

Before a woman who has never experienced an orgasm can help her partner to help her to climax, she has to learn for herself what pleases her. Sex is a positive pleasure, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying it, even when you are alone.

Having given yourself permission to enjoy your sexuality, you have to find out what turns you on, explore the effect of different caresses of the genital area. There is nothing wrong with self-stimulation - in fact it is a basic part of the treatment prescribed by sex therapists.

It’s not stimulation of the vagina, by the way, but of the clitoris that leads to orgasm for most women - the clitoris is the little peak you can feel in the front of the vagina.

When you have an orgasm it feels like an internal throbbing. The intensity varies widely. It can be fierce and wild, it may be quiet and sensuous. The common denominator is it certainly should feel pleasurable.

Some women learn how to masturbate, perhaps as teenagers, but find they are unable to reach a climax with their partner, even if he stimulates them in a similar way. The most likely cause of this is a variation on the inhibited feelings mentioned before. Their subconscious will not let them admit to anyone else that they are enjoying sex.

Sharing regular sessions of all-over massage can help a couple start communicating physically and sexually. Use a little cream or oil, massage and stroke one another all over. Say what feels good and what not-so-good.

When the time feels right, you can begin showing one another how to give the most pleasure by stroking and massaging the sexual areas, too. The only rule is that you should both enjoy it.

Modern-style vibrators designed especially to suit women’s sexual responses can make a terrific difference. Check out www.emotionalbliss.com, www.durex.com and www.passion8.co.uk. The Vielle range (www.vielle.co.uk), includes a non-electrical clitoral stimulator, lubricant and stimulating gel and is widely available in pharmacies, Boots and Tesco.

Some women can climax when masturbating or when stimulated in some similar way by their partner, but cannot reach orgasm during intercourse. In fact, this is normal, as only a minority of women do climax during intercourse. Most reach orgasm through other stimulation.

var RStag = “”; try{ RStag = segQS; } catch(e){ RStag = “”; } document.write(”); Many couples have perfectly happy ways of making love which involve the man stimulating the woman until she climaxes, either before or after intercourse.

It really doesn’t matter how or when a woman reaches her climax, as long as she enjoys it, but if a couple feel that they very much would like the woman to climax during intercourse, they may find a change in position will help or he can caress her at the same time.

The vagina has comparatively few nerve endings and the clitoris has many. Basically, few women can possibly climax unless they are receiving some form of clitoral stimulation. Of course, it is important for the man to be sure that the woman is really aroused before he attempts intercourse, so they must share lots of loving foreplay first.

Also the man has to be able to sustain intercourse for a reasonable length of time, since it is important to keep stimulating a woman right up to and during orgasm. If premature ejaculation is a problem, however, let me know because I can send you a free leaflet on how to solve the problem.

Reaching a climax needs some muscle tension and you can give this a nudge in the right direction. You need to have at least half an hour of foreplay to be sure the woman is fully aroused. Then she shouldn’t try to relax but tense the pelvic-floor muscle (if you’re unsure how to do this, my free leaflet on increasing sexual sensation explains). If she then arches her back and puts her head back, this gets her body in the right position to reach climax, as long as her partner carries on pleasuring her.

Assuming a couple feel free to experiment with what feels good to them, then they have a good chance of discovering what will lead to the woman achieving full sexual satisfaction pretty frequently, if not every time.

However, some couples experiment with different positions and techniques and still draw a blank. Too much alcohol can dry up the vaginal secretions and reduce the blood flow to the sex organs. This in turn can make sex more painful and will affect a woman’s ability to have an orgasm.

Loss of orgasm can also be linked with major changes in a woman’s life such as childbirth or the menopause. Depression can severely damp down sexual feelings. It could be that she’s had a bad sexual experience in the past or that there’s some problem in her relationship with her partner, and unaided you can’t stop it getting in the way.

For more details about the help available, or if you want a step-by-step explanation of the self-help therapy suggested earlier, do write for my free leaflet on solving orgasm problems which explains all this and gives contacts for finding expert sex therapy.

Perhaps the best testimonial I ever had was from one woman who said that she had managed to achieve her first ever orgasm in 16 years of marriage through following the suggestions in that leaflet!

Oral Sex: Cunnilingus There are probably more alternatives to the word cunnilingus than any other in the English language – we won’t go into them here, but you’ll probably know one or two.

Going down…

On the whole, more ladies want to receive this than their partners want to provide it. However, it’s worth learning how to do it and getting to enjoy it as she likes this, she likes this very much. Before you start though, do bear in mind the following: gentlemen – stubble is bad, everyone – teeth are worse and a reluctant diner is unlikely to have the favour returned.

Secondly, think about your technique: too rough and she’ll be writhing around alright, but in agony rather than pleasure; too gentle and all you efforts will come to nothing. Once you’ve perfected your technique – you’ll know – don’t change it too often and, above all, don’t stop at the crucial moment unless you want to spend the night on the couch. Finally, do make sure the genitals are clean.

OK – now try and make sure there is enough light so you can see what you’re doing. This might be a problem if she’s a little shy, but do try and work round this. Obviously don’t start erecting floodlights at the end of the bed and put away the pit helmet, just try burning a few candles or dimming the lights rather than turning them off.

Next, let your partner decide which position she wishes to adopt as she’ll want to be relaxed and comfortable (relaxed and comfortable = better chance of orgasm). She may want to lie back while you’re at the foot of the bed or even act out a slave fantasy by standing up.

You can now begin by slowly stroking and kissing her body. Spend lots of time; work your way around her body then, when she’s been teased enough, start gently stroking her genitals.

Leave her underwear on and stroke through the fabric – when she becomes moist whip ‘em off. Now is a good time to ask her how she likes it: slow or fast; gentle or hard. When you’ve been given your orders, take note and carry them out to the letter, make sure your tongue is nice and soft – don’t point or tense it.

Start with indirect stimulation: wiggling your tongue around and over the clitoris. Then, move into longer, wet, gentle strokes with your tongue keeping a slow but steady rhythm. Make sure you’re not being too rough and make sure she knows how much you’re enjoying it (even if you’re not).

Keep a good steady rhythm up for maybe ten to fifteen minutes and if you’ve covered all the right areas (don’t just focus on the clitoris) your partner should be close to orgasm. You’ll know when this is because her body will tense and she’ll probably be shouting words of encouragement at the top of her voice! Before she orgasms, try popping your finger into her vagina just to heighten the pleasure – she’ll let you know if she doesn’t like it.

Finally, don’t stop until she tells you to or pushes you away – you’ll not be popular if you do.

salacious starter Massage

Sensual massage is an ancient practice, practised by ancient and young alike. It combines the physical with the spiritual and, if done well, can be just as sensual and sexual as you want it to be.

The key to giving and receiving a good sensual massage is preparation. Now, going back a few centuries, this would have probably meant killing a nearby wildebeest and lighting a big fire but today things are a little more complicated (although having said that, killing a wildebeest proves quite complicated for most). The experts suggest that in order to really relax, you should light some scented candles, put a romantic CD on loop, lay down a clean sheet, get some fresh towels at the ready and turn off your mobile phone!

You will also need some massage oil. Talking of oil, it’s important to remember that oil can erode latex condoms and so it’s important that you use a non-latex one such as Durex Avanti (check out the Products section of the main site) if it’s going to come into contact with the oil.

Now, before you go any further, it is important to talk to your partner so that they know exactly what a sensual massage is. Describe it as a leisurely, languorous, lustful activity which involves nudity and intimate touching – and some alliteration too by the sound of it!

So here goes. To get things going, start by lightly stroking your partner’s body with the tips of your fingers (start on your partner’s back). Take your time, don’t rush. If you do then you’re wasting your time and a great opportunity into the bargain. Move from one area of your partner’s body to another covering the shoulders, arms, thighs, calves and buttocks.

Once your partner is completely relaxed – not asleep – begin the sensual massage by pouring about two tablespoons of massage oil into your hands and then rub them together until the oil is warm. This is very important as you don’t want your partner shrieking and spoiling the mood. Now, use your hands to make long, gliding strokes over your partner’s body making sure you check with your partner that the pressure’s OK.

When you’ve covered all the key areas of your partner’s body, (shoulders, arms, thighs, calves and buttocks) switch from long gliding strokes to short deep strokes. To make deep strokes you will need to use your body weight rather than your arm strength but remember to be gentle; this is not WWF wrestling and your partner will not be impressed by your well executed ‘body slam’.

As you work your way around your partner’s body using short deep strokes, remember to massage their feet, brush over their buttocks and if you’re massaging a female partner, make sure you gently stroke her breasts. When you think the time is right, begin working your way very slowly down your partner’s legs gliding your hands as you go. Brush past your partner’s genitals, teasing your partner by stroking their inner thigh. Finally, when the erotic energy has had time to build, demand your turn or shift the focus from massage to more explicitly sexual activities such as masturbation.