Sex Videos and Tutorial

NOT UNDERSTANDING NATURAL SEXUAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE. Mike Mason, in his masterpiece The Mystery of Marriage, writes, “When people forget that the opposite sex is opposite, it can result in men actually resenting women for not being men, and vice versa.” Do you ignore the fact that your wife needs cuddling and romance separate from the sexual act? Do you ignore the fact that your husband is visually stimulated and would prefer you to be the cause?

Married sex is not about loving any woman or any man. It is about showing love to this woman, this man. What does that mean? Only they can show you, and that often comes as they are learning themselves. A loving, listening, open heart is the greatest asset a spouse can bring to bed.

SELFISHNESS. “What the sex life really demands is the loving gift of the self, the sincere devotion of the whole heart.” Look at the words Mike Mason uses in that quote: gift, sincere, devotion, whole heart. These words clash with the self-centeredness that says, “it’s all about ME and what I feel.”

What gift can you give your spouse physically? How can they know that you are sincere and not just being manipulative? Does your spouse know that you are devoted to him or her both in and out of bed?

GUILT for real actions or perceived things, stops sex. True guilt for something done requires honest discussion, true repentance, and real forgiveness–and a deliberate removal of the thing that divides two spouses from each other.

False guilt can also inhibit sexual response. That elusive guilt requires an examination of the thing causing the guilt–often inappropriate expectations or beliefs. These need to be dismantled, and replaced when necessary.

EMOTIONAL DISTANCE, ANGER, OR RESENTMENT. These can be caused by any number of things. But the fundamental truths remain. When the underlying causes are addressed, the pressure these emotions put on a couple’s sexual life will recede. However, when a couple ignores the basic daily work necessary for good relationship, that lack will affect their sexual life.

We humans are minds and bodies and we bring both to the marriage relationship and to the marriage bed. As a couple’s mental and emotional intimacy deepens and grows, their physical intimacy deepens and grows as well.

Sex In marriage Part 1 

Married sex is sex that involves two whole people with their thoughts, emotions, and bodies in a state of delightful, committed physical intimacy. The entire point of the sexual act lies in loving each other. In the marriage bed, we don’t “make love,” we give love, physically, to our spouses.

It’s not surprising, then, that the same things that interfere with mental and emotional love, can also interfere with sex and the sexual response. Common culprits include:

ANXIETY. It is hard to be naked and vulnerable when you are nervous around your spouse for any reason. Think of it. If you belittle your spouse or make fun of them in any way, why would they be eager to hop in bed with you? But when a spouse feels secure in the marriage–feels that this relationship and this person is a place of emotional and physical safety–the instinct to cover and hide will fade away.

When a person is anxious for a reason that has nothing to do with the marriage, that anxiety can still interfere with the sexual relationship. Fear makes the necessary relaxation impossible. So can a situation, project, or decision that dominates one spouse’s mind. In all cases, the cause of the anxiety needs to be addressed first, to remove the block to sex.

FATIGUE. A wise couple will monitor the outside demands on their time and energy, and work to make sure they have time and energy for each other. They do something as simple as go to bed earlier, or even midday when they can, or have sex first thing in the morning.

Some seasons of life are exceptionally stressful. A young married couple with small children is caught between the stressors of a young man’s high sex drive and the monumental exhaustion that comes from the wife’s role as mother of small children. If this is you:

• First, avoid blaming each other. Face this problem together.
• Change the pattern of your life–radically if you need to (and I don’t mean giving away the children!) for the sake of your marriage. Cut outside commitments and in-home expectations in order to give yourselves more energy and time together.
• Keep up and work hard on all the other aspects of your relationship.
• Make sure each of you are doing a fair share of the child-rearing.
• Hire a babysitter or exchange free babysitting with friends in order to have time alone.
• Keep a sense of humor as much as possible. This is a situation that many, many couples have to work through, not just you. You’ll make it through.